Friday, January 7, 2011

Can't even make it 5 days into the new year without landing myself back in the ER..

Initially I wasn't going to even explain or say anything to people who aren't closest to me and didn't want to explain over and over what happened but it is really taking a toll on me mentally and physically.  I decided I am going to journal about it, not for any reason you think or let alone do I care, I am journalling, this journalling is going to make me feel better by the end of it {hopefully}. So Journal, here goes.

Wednesday Afternoon at about 1:20 I was teaching 5th grade and about to read them the next chapter in their book.  There is a bar stool-like-stool in the front of the room that looks like it's from the time this part of the school was built-the 50's.  I go to stand in front of it, put my foot on the bar, where you normally rest your feet, and I am going to stand with one foot on that bar, and then sit on top of it.

  I step on the bar, already leaning back to sit on the stool and the cheap-y old foot rest wood breaks and I fall back.  I fall not on my tail-bone but on my actual lower back on my spine, throw my hands back to "brace" my fall.

 So at this point all my weight has landed on my lower spine and then I am so close to the wall that I hit the back of my skull on the cement block wall behind me, and in this position it over stretches my neck to where I later find out I have torn those ligaments along my neck and spine.

 I have fallen. It happens so fast and I'm confused and in excruciating pain.  I am worried I will freak out the kids so I manage to get up and the paraprofessionals in the room tell me it's ok to "step out" because I am so freaked out and in pain I am bawling.  I make it out of the room.

FF>> I am laying on the floor in a nearby room with 911 already called and awaiting paramedics.  I am bawling, embarassed, sad, scared, and about to be strapped on a backboard for stability for possible fractures.  This backboard and neckbrace I am in are the most uncomfortable thing as I want to writhe in pain but just inhaling and exhaling are excruciating.  I am exhausted, nauseas, just struggling and trying to comprehend what the heck just happened...

  I fell of a stool?

What the heck... and now the EMTs are here?

I've been backboarded?

I'm on a stretcher?

I'm in an ambulance?

Why is the pain getting WORSE?!

I'm in the ER?

They are going to try an IV in my hand? I know that never works... too out of it to communicate.

Sad., scared for what this means, what just happened?

Going in for tests?

Finally getting pain meds

Not enough, excruciating..

Too many meds, feels like I am underwater

Have to pee.. oh so bad... unintelligible communication with nurses as we try to fix this..

 passing out...

I know I need to communicate, can't function.. the edge of pain taken but now everything is incomprehensible..

What does this mean for my future.. a HEAD NECK AND SPINAL injury?

Words thrown around to explain....Spinal contusion... neck sprain- no fractures- angry muscles- torn ligaments all along neck and spine...

oh God. Help. Me.


The whole part really from EMTs thru hospital is a blur with spurts of memory and lots of pain.

Now I try to heal, and end up crying so much because it's so painful even with max Percocet and Valium and pain meds schedule..

So freaked out for the future... I had a trauma to my SPINE.
Spine = really important...

Can't sleep/move/function without crying from pain.

Please God, help me... I'm so scared.


Edit/Update: I felt like drawing pictures... kind of a poor portrayal of the pain, but it was entertaining to draw... the cheeks are squished up because the neck brace is so intense...eyes are warped bcuz of pain drugs... idk felt i needed a drawing

1 comment:

  1. Ashley, I am so, so sorry!

    I fell down the stairs on my lower back with Lucy in my arms and with Lee watching. Luckily there was no major damage, but I hurt really bad for a long time. I can only imagine what you're going through! The pain is horrible, but the sadness and confusion is almost worse. I'll pray for you, for real, and I hope you'll heal quickly!