Sunday, August 21, 2011

Favorite Things in My Life Right Now

My top favorite things right now!
 (in pretty close to right order, some might be harder to judge their favorite-ness than others)

 I love going there, and this coming from a girl who HATES grocery shopping... They have wonderful values there and such helpful people...the only downside is the expensive prices...but it is still a much better experience than shopping at other places that just always seem to STRESS me out!

Blended Coffee Drinks ...Omnomnom
We have cheated on our beloved Caribou by going to the Monopolized Starbucks but that was before we explored the clubhouse of our new apt/Townhome complex.
It's a good thing the new place we moved into has an espresso machine, we are making cafe mochas, mocha lattes and super espresso drinks like crazy lately, otherwise we would be breaking the bank trying to support our blended and cool coffee obsession!

Omg. YES. if you have never gone to a ginormous Ikea, you are in for an adventure. Leave your purses at home ladies, but bring your money (and your mans money too lol, ok you can bring him also) and a camera, as this giant home of rooms are like walking into an HGTV show: design style for every taste and prices that work with any budget. We live incredibly close to an IKEA now and I hope we can go every day, especially to check out what is number 8 on my list.

The AS-IS bin at IKEA:
Being the frugal bargain shopper that I am, and was raised to be, I am very much in love with the "as is" section of Ikea. Now when you hear "As is" you are probably picturing furniture beat to hell and falling apart, this is only the case and a few items. If you take a stroll in this section and can get past the abused furniture you will find amazing pieces at great discounted rates. We got a NICE bookshelf thing that matches our whole bedroom set for almost 50% off!!! Best part: this fully assembled piece didn't have a scratch or a nick anywhere on it's gorgeous body. Most of the items in here have just had their box broken a bit and since you get your favorite IKEA items while they are still in a box, these are the pieces that people pass up. So the nice guys assemble them, put them in the AS IS section and slap a super reduced price on your favorite pieces! BOOM! You have what you wanted for a discounted price AND all the labor is already finished, just take home and enjoy! Wow I probably sound like I work for IKEA but I in no way am employed by IKEA nor do I receive a compensation for the great things I have to say :)

Yes, random, we went from IKEA to penguins but that is what my blog is about, kinda random but whatevs! I recently got to see these adorable waddling animals up close and personal for my birthday at the Newport Aquarium. They are so cute and so sociable and they mate for life, how sweet. They are one of the few monogamous animals out there! Also to tie in with penguins, is Christina Perri's song "Penguin" (CLICK TO HEAR/watch on youtube) which is super adorable and those who do not know penguins are monogamous do not get her love song reference, but now you all you! You just learned something new, hopefully, and if you already new that then you are one smart cookie, props to you!

The 1968 Pontiac Firebird (CONVERTIBLE!)
If you like American Muscle cars even a little bit, you will melt at the sound of this hot solar red, convertible rawring machine! Waggleton and I were in it for our wedding day and she recently won 1st runner up at a car show because she is so loved by other car lovers and patrons alike. Today, hubband and I had the pleasure of taking her around the town today, and I was once again reminded by how much I love that car! Raawwwrrrrrrr!

Up Nort {der hey}

Yes, I am originally a Minnesotan so I can make fun of the up nort dialect :) .
This weekend we attended a wedding in the far north of the Midwest and I forgot how much I am entranced by the beauty of it all. The smell of the fresh, clean air that wears you out after a long day, the gorgeously stunning lake views, the cool breeze that rustles through the forrest up there is breathtaking. Around this time we usually go on our annual canoe trip way up nort but this year it has been postponed/cancelled, so I was glad that we at least got up for the weekend, even if we stayed in a hotel instead of under the Northern Sky :) Also arou d this time of year we head up to Lutsen Mountain, MN with hubband's boss & family, but not this year and I miss it so much (see husband CRASH fully recorded as he plummets down the Alpine Slide on Lutsen Mountain, click here to see his whole video!). Anyway, if you live in the city and never leave, I highly urge you to experience it, even if you are not the "outdoorsy" type, you can still bring the little comforts of home and "rough it in style"! No worries :)

Ps: btw I don't own all these pics

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Moving Across 2 States!!! {Possible Videos of this Adventure to Come}

    In less than 11 hours we will be moving over 400 miles to a place we haven't even signed the lease for yet (It looks and sounds AMAZING... seriously amazing...just like my horse, it is amazing...♫).  Usually when people move, especially out of state move, you already know all the details of the new place for weeks....
We have only just picked out this place was educated choosing though, several reviews read...) were approved today, and will be driving ~8 hours to get there hopefully before they close.  I personally have never driven that far, by myself, alone!  Husband has a sweet sound set up where I can just plug the AUX cord into my iPad and have an eight hour dance party... woooo!

Photos.. and possible videos even... of THIS adventure... :)

I was going to try and retain some bit of anonymity with my blogging but I am now going to link you to my YouTube channel where I will be posting more videos of this adventure! 

Soon I will start making videos connecting to what I am blogging about! 

Yay! :) 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Secrets, secrets, secrets! **Secret Project:: Happening now**

I have been inspired to take on a roughly one week super secret mini project, which might be fairly complicated considering all the crap that has to get moved to Chicago in the next few days, but I will try my darndest (darnest? darndness? meh.) to succeed everyday, and today was day 1, and it will conclude next Thursday...Which then I will hopefully report back to you all to let you know the deets and how it went and opinions of said project :) yay!

In the meantime here is a random drawring (it drives me nuts when some people throw in uncecessary "r"s like that, or "waRsh" for "wash". There wasn't an "r" in it, so stop adding random letters! It's madness!)

Ok random drawing, picture... from today...err technically yesterday, but no technicalities!

It is for you to decide whether the picture is possibly relevant to the super secret project or not, let the theories flow!

"Justin Bieber ?! Bieber fever ?! Are you a crazy 10 year old?! What does this mean?!"

"What is a Justice Beaver?"

"Well it's a crime fighting beaver, of course!"

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Letters to Things Vol. II

Dear Stuff-in-house,

I know you think I don't care about you by not calling you all by your individual names, but see that would be quite a lot to address in a short letter, so forgive me for my generalities and please pack yourselves into the several liquor boxes we took from the MGM. This way Mr. U-Haul may take you all the way to Chicago, to where your new home awaits you, aren't you excited?! Well you better get more excited than a kid on Christmas morning, because you will hop-to-it and get in those nice cardboard homes and tuck yourselves in with some pretty packing tape, and don't mind being stacked on top of all your friends. enjoy the time to get to know them better before you embark on a new journey and new life in a new home in a new state!


Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton

Dear Cardboard Boxes,

Please look more friendly and inviting so Stuff-in-house will want to join you. You are looking a bit cold and rigid, could you at least make an effort? I know you have been used, and used to hold big heavy bolstering bottles of booze, but rid yourselves of those cold shoulder-corners and open your "heart" up to Stuff-in-house, we greatly appreciate it.


Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton

Dear ALLIE BROSH's Blog,

Just so you know, I have "Alot of Boxes" here, he needs a home, a preferably dry home, because if this particular Alot gets to moist or damp, he tends to let his figure go.  He also might like it near other Alots made of boxes, so he does not get lonely, and maybe other used and abused boxes so they can bond over their misfortunes in order to become quick friends.  I know you may have a lot of Alots on your hands because of all the misspellings of the phrase "a lot" but please handle Alot of boxes with care. {After the move of course}


Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton

(If you STILL didn't get that reference, click this link to be edumickated)

All Things New :: Married Woman, New Titles, New Look, New Home, New Baby

Big changes have occurred, and "what's going on?" you ask? "You come back and now you're married? You have new titles? What does this mean? A new baby?! A new home?" If you're as confused as I am, well we are in the same boat, but that's's a dance, ♪ sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow...♫ (lol@ corniness) Ok Let's BREAK it dooowwnn:

  • I got married to the LOVE of my life, my Waggleton*, at a gorgeously pink wedding, to a gorgeously handsome man :) {his pic below!} The day went by SO fast, but every moment was cherrished and spent with loved ones! L-O-V-E--ing married life <3

  • As a result of being a married woman and upholding tradition, I know have a new last name, and am still practicing shedding my old surname (and practicing writing my new Mrs. name just like us girls did in our early years, but this time for real! a real Mrs. Waggleton cursive name to practice, which is taking some getting used to and practiced!)

  • I did my famous wife chop, and I am happy to report that it has been liberating and fabulous.  I ended up chopping a bit more than I wanted to but I was happy to shed a few more inches for it to be donated to a child (or 5 with my thick lion-locks) rather than have the "safe" length I wanted and have it all be sucked away through the wall-suckie-vent-thing at Aveda (way cool by the way, makes me want a system like this in my future dream home some day)  {{...speaking of dream homes...}}

  • Or semi-dream home... ok maybe Quasi-dream home... Waggletots McSnuggleton has been hired at a regional airline as an F. O. (first officer... sits next to the Captain, O' Captain, in the cockpit) and we have been based in Chicago! That is a whole new state move for us! Across 2 states!  We are in the process now of almost signing the lease for a condo that is also for sale but we will be renting it, with the intention to buy it once we can increase our income from negative numbers.  Chi-town is a wee bit more expensive... for less square footage we will be paying double our rent now (boo... doesn't help in the negative-numbers-for-income bit)  SOOOO I say Quasi-dream home, because it is the best "dream-home" we are able to afford, and I am actually pretty stoked about a few things::
EDIT: THIS UNIT FELL THRU :'( FINDING NEW UNIT ASAP! (Guess its the "rain" part now, coming soon: rainbow)
    • Black granite WOOD BURNING FIREPLACE (I am a super pyrotechnic if you know me, I am completely mesmerized by all fire, but ESPECIALLY wood burning fireplaces within someone's home..and now we will have one...I probably will just pull our bed out into the living room and permanently plop myself in front of the fire)
    • Gorgeous granite kitchen, with GARBAGE DISPOSAL! (missed that, fo real), track lighting, and a tall in-wall-pantry thing... AND A BREAKFAST BAR! They are the next best thing to an eat-in island in my real dream kitch!
    • Bay-window in the bedroom! (Stellar!)
    • Walk-in Closet! (Double Stellar!)
    • Fitness Center & Pool on grounds (Triple Super Stellar!) Ima B gettin' mah fitness & tan on, HOLLA!
    • A {hopefully} quiet and respectful neighborhood with decent neighbors! (we are told the neighbors above us are sweethearts! yay! We have had our share of truly horrid neighbors & neighbuhrhoodz)
    • To start a new life together in a new home!

  • New Baby? NEW BABY?!
    • Yes, which creates a new addition to my title as Mrs.! I am now the estaticly proud Auntie to the sweetest little peanut! I cannot get enough of her! She is such a perfectly sweet baby and I really miss her when I am not cuddling her swaddled little self! I really don't even know how we lived without her, she is so precious! I have never been so baby crazy in my life! I am SO glad that we will be moving within 2-ish hours of our little niece instead of the 6 hours it used to take! I wish I could follow her around and take pictures of all her firsts (and then go edit them forever, because I cannot get enough of her!)! 
      • My new favorite place is anywhere holding lil' Charlotte with my Swagger-Wagon by my side, I LOVE her so much! She is such an Angel, I wish we could see her everyday... <3

So life has been pretty busy, crazy with a roller-coaster that holds no maximum range of emotions, it has been crazy!

**insert here something cheesy about having on rainbows without rain, mixed with sunshine**

*Name has been changed but not really, yup he's mah Waggleton

Friday, April 8, 2011

WIFE CHOP! Identity changer. Figuring Out Who I Am... (on percocet @ 1:45am)

All I can think about is the WIFE CHOP!

"Wife..? Chop..? Wife chop?" You might ask... that sounds like a horror movie... Why are you so obsessed with this wifechop thing?  Well the term was brought to my attention by a Wifechopper herself, my friend Anna (her blog: ).  She, like almost every other bride, was growing out her hair as long as she could for her wedding, but shortly after becoming a wifey, she CHOP CHOP CHOPPED IT for what I can only assume was a liberating experience.  Recently I expressed my same desire, feeling constricted and limited by my hair options because of the necessity to keep every millimeter of length for the successful styling for my wedding in about 6 weeks... (holy cow, 6 weeks... 6 WEEKS! only 43 days.. just a lil over a month! ok that's a different freak-out session for a different post) because it will be curly which will bring up the length and

 blah blah blah this post is not just shallow ramblings about my"omghair"...

because for ladies... it is part of your "identitiy".. which men.. you probably think.."it's just flippin hair, whatever". Well my identity is about to change, and that is hard/has pros & slight cons that are just a part of growing up.. which Joe identified in our "Newlywed game" as one of my biggest fears...legit but not my biggest fear (THAT too is a whole other post)


Identity... for all 22 years and some months I have been known as a certain identity with the name I have known for ...yes all my life... (ok I'm ssuuupperr super maxed out on my pain medz bcuz today was a very VERY "bring-you-to-tears-I -can't-move-except-to-go-to-the-bathroom" painful days..but again THAT is another post...) ok where was I..

so old identity= first + last name... already had a teacher name.. got used to it.. now I change my name because I am marrying my best friend & love of my life, which requires women to change their name, their identity... and well this isn't coming out right but before I was very apprehensive about the name change.. a modern woman... feeling like I have to do it for tradition, and legitimately considered the ever dredded, viewed as disrespectful... name hyphening... and for those of you who actually know who I am and not just random internet person... well that would be a whole lot of last name...
ok so the other part of my identity... all through highschool... etc, I have been told I am "known for my hair" my big, curly, incredibly long blonde hair... especially by Moum...she loves my hair and I think it's important to her and in me being her daughter with the pretty long blonde hair. Random, I know but it's part of my thought process... This might sound dumb to you but this hair has changed lives. Weird. yes. gotten me jobs & $$ ... weird again but yes..

 But my identity is changing, I am changing, I actually feel like I am growing up.. (ahhh scarryyyy... Richard Scarryyyy)

I thought it was crazy old graduating high school at the time (now.. so young)... being a college student... finding "the one" my one and only.. living with him , then 1/2 through college living in Japan... getting engaged to wonderful Joe...Student teaching... lead teaching(might sound small but being the main person in charge of a child's learning for weeks on end... intense!)... GRADUATING COLLEGE... getting my teaching license... being a legit teacher...teaching & making $ with what I went through sooo much school for... (well until January, then falling... huge life altering injury...ok another post who knows if i'll even get into allll that) and now... being able to say my wedding is next month... I will be a Mrs.... a Mrs.. with 1/2 my name gone... my identity gone?

Identity changed?  Altered... but still me... just like with what the Wife-Chop symbolizes...
 Cutting away the highschool/college me, getting a fresh new cut, new leaf... which reminds me that this year, starting a couple weeks into Jan. 2011.. I really truly have changed.. and not just because of the accident but my whole look on... everything, including food & exercise.. before we all just kind of crave something, then try to satisfy that craving, eat for whenever.. which has poor results... blah blah blah I was inspired to take my ever-failing-in-so-many-dimensions health and really turn a new leaf, and stay this new way... I've gotten positive results and have wanted to continue until I hit a healthier goal, then maintain that goal... been inspired, and helped inspire (mom's on this journey too, both successes so faarr <3 amazing woman, that moum is! that could be a whole BOOK a whole Novel filled with her amazingness)

Wow, random much? story of my life!
buutttt anyway: Wife-Chop will be

 fresh (LOVE this word.. FRESH!),


altered, but not gone,


and part of my married woman new life... which I am very excited to start... and the 2nd day after the wedding... WIFE CHOP will commence...

I will leave for my honeymoon, with a husband, and a new.. altered identity.. symbolized by my new haircut... ooh, and some bling to accompany my ring...

SPOILER ALERT: also most likely a new city, in a new state....

Big things are to come... and the old me would have been terrified, but with my man, my angel, my husband-in-training, we will be just fine...

 It's all happening so fast, but overdue at the same time... 

I am so excited to be the new Mrs. Joseph with my new outlook on life & my health, and new wife chop to physically symbolize it all...

Late night ramblings...capricious...candid.. just like my thoughts... sorry if it was hard to follow along, just know I am excited, nervous, and still trying to figure out exactly who I am,  but won't be on my own.. AND SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR MY WIFE-CHOP!!!!!! 

WIFE CHOP! you will happen May 23rd. be ready!

Wife-chop inspirations (my actual one will be slightly below shoulder at about the collar bone)

<3 Me!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Time to make light of this spinal sadness... && Story of my first impaired journey

Pre-note: pain pills just put into effect and it's time to paint a few pictures because percocet pushes pain past my thoughts and now I want to paint you a picture of meee so much more alleviated from all the "ahh! ow! eee! oooo! eeep! uugghh! urrgh! *snif*"s that have been so non eloquently conquering my existence lately...
I'm a priinncceess, so sparkly and fabulous!!!

Ok... not really... the concoction of narcotics from ER doc take the tidge of the edge off but, this is mentally how I want to try to think so I get better faster!!

Today I wanted to try and ...not exert myself..but not lay around like a sad sac of ish either ...but it ended up being much more of the former than the latter.

I strapped on that lovely neck brace because it is so fabulously fashionably gorgeous and desireable for more stability as I got up and walked around and headed outside on my journey.  Recently, a Journey is anything outside...RN momma decided fresh air was in order.. so my high-self decided to talk an assisted journey out to the fish house...which may not seem like a huge deal to you, but it was the biggest thing I have done in days...and was pretty hardcore.  Too hardcore too soon... prob should have been on more narcs. for this...


super drowsiness kicking in... oh Mr.Dizzy Drowniess side-effect.. you hit me so hard....I'm probably going to draw a picture personifying this new super villan... or is he a super hero? Well he is hitting me.. hard.. but I need sleep.. Dr. appt early en la manana (how to add ~ over n?)

No sé. pero estoy muy muy triste que mi cama es como un taco...y es una "TACO CAMA" o ...Cama-de-Taco? No sé... Necesito..NECESITO una cama nuevo por mi cuerpo... mi cuerpo triste triste triste. Me duele el ....back. crap. I forgot how to say back. Why whenever my conscious state of mind gets shifted by some sort of substance I feel the need to switch solamente en espanol? 

At least Matthew G. Rasmussen understands.

ppssstttt: preview pic for the rest of this story for the entry 

The Fish-House Journey shall continue ...when more sober...or will I...? 

EDIT:  Please tell me you have read Hyperbole and a Half's blog?  Well one of her characters from her blog is "spaghetta nadle" which is a spaghetti noodle with a speech impediment .. and when reading I found a pic of him I totes relate to right nao:

I must give full credit and you can find her blog and this particular post here 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Can't even make it 5 days into the new year without landing myself back in the ER..

Initially I wasn't going to even explain or say anything to people who aren't closest to me and didn't want to explain over and over what happened but it is really taking a toll on me mentally and physically.  I decided I am going to journal about it, not for any reason you think or let alone do I care, I am journalling, this journalling is going to make me feel better by the end of it {hopefully}. So Journal, here goes.

Wednesday Afternoon at about 1:20 I was teaching 5th grade and about to read them the next chapter in their book.  There is a bar stool-like-stool in the front of the room that looks like it's from the time this part of the school was built-the 50's.  I go to stand in front of it, put my foot on the bar, where you normally rest your feet, and I am going to stand with one foot on that bar, and then sit on top of it.

  I step on the bar, already leaning back to sit on the stool and the cheap-y old foot rest wood breaks and I fall back.  I fall not on my tail-bone but on my actual lower back on my spine, throw my hands back to "brace" my fall.

 So at this point all my weight has landed on my lower spine and then I am so close to the wall that I hit the back of my skull on the cement block wall behind me, and in this position it over stretches my neck to where I later find out I have torn those ligaments along my neck and spine.

 I have fallen. It happens so fast and I'm confused and in excruciating pain.  I am worried I will freak out the kids so I manage to get up and the paraprofessionals in the room tell me it's ok to "step out" because I am so freaked out and in pain I am bawling.  I make it out of the room.

FF>> I am laying on the floor in a nearby room with 911 already called and awaiting paramedics.  I am bawling, embarassed, sad, scared, and about to be strapped on a backboard for stability for possible fractures.  This backboard and neckbrace I am in are the most uncomfortable thing as I want to writhe in pain but just inhaling and exhaling are excruciating.  I am exhausted, nauseas, just struggling and trying to comprehend what the heck just happened...

  I fell of a stool?

What the heck... and now the EMTs are here?

I've been backboarded?

I'm on a stretcher?

I'm in an ambulance?

Why is the pain getting WORSE?!

I'm in the ER?

They are going to try an IV in my hand? I know that never works... too out of it to communicate.

Sad., scared for what this means, what just happened?

Going in for tests?

Finally getting pain meds

Not enough, excruciating..

Too many meds, feels like I am underwater

Have to pee.. oh so bad... unintelligible communication with nurses as we try to fix this..

 passing out...

I know I need to communicate, can't function.. the edge of pain taken but now everything is incomprehensible..

What does this mean for my future.. a HEAD NECK AND SPINAL injury?

Words thrown around to explain....Spinal contusion... neck sprain- no fractures- angry muscles- torn ligaments all along neck and spine...

oh God. Help. Me.


The whole part really from EMTs thru hospital is a blur with spurts of memory and lots of pain.

Now I try to heal, and end up crying so much because it's so painful even with max Percocet and Valium and pain meds schedule..

So freaked out for the future... I had a trauma to my SPINE.
Spine = really important...

Can't sleep/move/function without crying from pain.

Please God, help me... I'm so scared.


Edit/Update: I felt like drawing pictures... kind of a poor portrayal of the pain, but it was entertaining to draw... the cheeks are squished up because the neck brace is so intense...eyes are warped bcuz of pain drugs... idk felt i needed a drawing

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

YAYs! :) & NAYS! >:( ... How Do You Feel About Starfishing in Bed?

  • Cold side of your pillow :)
  • A book that pulls you in to it's world and you don't ever want to come out. (Canz I lives in dis book nao plz?)

  • When you know there are more in the series after the one in your hand
  • Even if it's winter to get a little fresh breeze anytime... (but especially lying in bed)
  • Falling asleep in a room with just enough chill to cuddle warmly beneath your blankies (only if you are snuggled up with lots of blankets otherwise it is a definite annoyance to try and fall asleep with chattering teeth)
  • First bite into freshly baked Chocolate Chip cookies or gooey brownies. Unless you are too impatient (and or a chocoholic... Leslie..:-D.) 
    • Annoyance though if you do this immediately after taking them out of oven and you burn the inside of your mouth which causes you to curse the evil jumpy-oven for prob. Scaring you while preheating oven and now burning you. A double win for the oven and a double negative experience for you with said oven. Double negative = a positive! Yay! I win! Which in this case the double negative does not constitute as a positive. No. You just double lose.
  • Puppies! Yes I am a 4 year old girl.... C'mon! PUPPIES! even if you are an elaborately masculine, tough and hard core gangstah biker dude (yes, gagstah biker dudes) when you see an adorable puppy, you cannot resist it's magnetic pull of your hand to it's fluffy fur.

  • When you finish the last page. Last paragraph. Last sentence and word of your favorite series knowing this IS the final book
  • Toilet paper flipped wrong way-- new sheet MUST be hanging down from being rolled over! NEVER under! {Mom!}

  • Bed sharer STARFISHES in bed. Taking up all your space so you get 4 sq. Inches of bed

  • 6-7 seconds after everyone comes down from a high of laughing together when ppl make awkward sighs then someone tries to break the awkward and either you feel like THANK U for breaking awkward OR "stfu you are only saying the first thing that popped into your head to break awkward ice) { unless your name is Matt Rasmussen in which you fully embrace said awkwardness and all chances for anything to be awkward in which you view anytime you create these situations or are a part of them as a WIN! But that's usually only if u are Mr. Rasmussen}
  • Terrible drivers
  • Terrible drivers who think that they are awesome and in the right when clearly they have inferior driving skills than what you possess
  • Driving at same speed as someone for length of time (like you are "married" on the swings) and you really want to look over or really go out of your way to avoid them seeing you

Many more to list, but getting too tired~ mas to come!

Qs for the reader:
What is at the top of your list of Yays & Nays?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Letters to Things Vol. I {Ice Cubes, Farts, Evil Oven}

Dear Ice Cubes,
I am sorry for labeling you "ice cubs" as we now call you. 
 We do not mean any disrespect to you or that you are the kiddie-baby-whiner versions of ice cubes, it is just what we do- rename things, laugh about the new name, then continue to use new name.... You are not the first to experience this.

  This does not give you an excuse to show me such betrayal that when I want the last sip in my drink and you are all cram-packed at the bottom, you come crashing down on my face all at once. 

Traitors....... you make me look like a fool as you ALL rush towards my face and spill the last contents you accompany in your glass, the very last contents I was just moments ago trying to savor.
I hope we can work something out.


Dear Farts of my Fiancé,
Why must you come into this world sound like something that he must refer to as "machine gun farts" and smelling like something that belongs in a dump?
I also need to know why you must always announce yourself so prominently and make your presence known.  It is unbenounced/unbeknownst to me.  Please try to be less-ridiculously outlandish. You are quite intense, and no- not like camping.


Dear Oven, 
When you pop and clang as you warm up, it frightens me and makes me think that whatever I am cooking is STILL ALIVE.  It makes me jump and startles me every.time
Please try to warm up less violently or I will be forced to use the toaster oven.  Perhaps this is your ultimate goal- to be used less.  Sorry I am making you feel so used.