Letters to Things Vol. II

Dear Stuff-in-house,

I know you think I don't care about you by not calling you all by your individual names, but see that would be quite a lot to address in a short letter, so forgive me for my generalities and please pack yourselves into the several liquor boxes we took from the MGM. This way Mr. U-Haul may take you all the way to Chicago, to where your new home awaits you, aren't you excited?! Well you better get more excited than a kid on Christmas morning, because you will hop-to-it and get in those nice cardboard homes and tuck yourselves in with some pretty packing tape, and don't mind being stacked on top of all your friends. enjoy the time to get to know them better before you embark on a new journey and new life in a new home in a new state!

Love,

Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton



Dear Cardboard Boxes,

Please look more friendly and inviting so Stuff-in-house will want to join you. You are looking a bit cold and rigid, could you at least make an effort? I know you have been used, and used to hold big heavy bolstering bottles of booze, but rid yourselves of those cold shoulder-corners and open your "heart" up to Stuff-in-house, we greatly appreciate it.

Love,

Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton




Dear ALLIE BROSH's Blog,

Just so you know, I have "Alot of Boxes" here, he needs a home, a preferably dry home, because if this particular Alot gets to moist or damp, he tends to let his figure go.  He also might like it near other Alots made of boxes, so he does not get lonely, and maybe other used and abused boxes so they can bond over their misfortunes in order to become quick friends.  I know you may have a lot of Alots on your hands because of all the misspellings of the phrase "a lot" but please handle Alot of boxes with care. {After the move of course}

Love,

Mr. & Mrs. Waggleton

(If you STILL didn't get that reference, click this link to be edumickated)