Monday, January 10, 2011

Time to make light of this spinal sadness... && Story of my first impaired journey

Pre-note: pain pills just put into effect and it's time to paint a few pictures because percocet pushes pain past my thoughts and now I want to paint you a picture of meee so much more alleviated from all the "ahh! ow! eee! oooo! eeep! uugghh! urrgh! *snif*"s that have been so non eloquently conquering my existence lately...
I'm a priinncceess, so sparkly and fabulous!!!

Ok... not really... the concoction of narcotics from ER doc take the tidge of the edge off but, this is mentally how I want to try to think so I get better faster!!

Today I wanted to try and ...not exert myself..but not lay around like a sad sac of ish either ...but it ended up being much more of the former than the latter.

I strapped on that lovely neck brace because it is so fabulously fashionably gorgeous and desireable for more stability as I got up and walked around and headed outside on my journey.  Recently, a Journey is anything outside...RN momma decided fresh air was in order.. so my high-self decided to talk an assisted journey out to the fish house...which may not seem like a huge deal to you, but it was the biggest thing I have done in days...and was pretty hardcore.  Too hardcore too soon... prob should have been on more narcs. for this...


super drowsiness kicking in... oh Mr.Dizzy Drowniess side-effect.. you hit me so hard....I'm probably going to draw a picture personifying this new super villan... or is he a super hero? Well he is hitting me.. hard.. but I need sleep.. Dr. appt early en la manana (how to add ~ over n?)

No sé. pero estoy muy muy triste que mi cama es como un taco...y es una "TACO CAMA" o ...Cama-de-Taco? No sé... Necesito..NECESITO una cama nuevo por mi cuerpo... mi cuerpo triste triste triste. Me duele el ....back. crap. I forgot how to say back. Why whenever my conscious state of mind gets shifted by some sort of substance I feel the need to switch solamente en espanol? 

At least Matthew G. Rasmussen understands.

ppssstttt: preview pic for the rest of this story for the entry 

The Fish-House Journey shall continue ...when more sober...or will I...? 

EDIT:  Please tell me you have read Hyperbole and a Half's blog?  Well one of her characters from her blog is "spaghetta nadle" which is a spaghetti noodle with a speech impediment .. and when reading I found a pic of him I totes relate to right nao:

I must give full credit and you can find her blog and this particular post here 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Can't even make it 5 days into the new year without landing myself back in the ER..

Initially I wasn't going to even explain or say anything to people who aren't closest to me and didn't want to explain over and over what happened but it is really taking a toll on me mentally and physically.  I decided I am going to journal about it, not for any reason you think or let alone do I care, I am journalling, this journalling is going to make me feel better by the end of it {hopefully}. So Journal, here goes.

Wednesday Afternoon at about 1:20 I was teaching 5th grade and about to read them the next chapter in their book.  There is a bar stool-like-stool in the front of the room that looks like it's from the time this part of the school was built-the 50's.  I go to stand in front of it, put my foot on the bar, where you normally rest your feet, and I am going to stand with one foot on that bar, and then sit on top of it.

  I step on the bar, already leaning back to sit on the stool and the cheap-y old foot rest wood breaks and I fall back.  I fall not on my tail-bone but on my actual lower back on my spine, throw my hands back to "brace" my fall.

 So at this point all my weight has landed on my lower spine and then I am so close to the wall that I hit the back of my skull on the cement block wall behind me, and in this position it over stretches my neck to where I later find out I have torn those ligaments along my neck and spine.

 I have fallen. It happens so fast and I'm confused and in excruciating pain.  I am worried I will freak out the kids so I manage to get up and the paraprofessionals in the room tell me it's ok to "step out" because I am so freaked out and in pain I am bawling.  I make it out of the room.

FF>> I am laying on the floor in a nearby room with 911 already called and awaiting paramedics.  I am bawling, embarassed, sad, scared, and about to be strapped on a backboard for stability for possible fractures.  This backboard and neckbrace I am in are the most uncomfortable thing as I want to writhe in pain but just inhaling and exhaling are excruciating.  I am exhausted, nauseas, just struggling and trying to comprehend what the heck just happened...

  I fell of a stool?

What the heck... and now the EMTs are here?

I've been backboarded?

I'm on a stretcher?

I'm in an ambulance?

Why is the pain getting WORSE?!

I'm in the ER?

They are going to try an IV in my hand? I know that never works... too out of it to communicate.

Sad., scared for what this means, what just happened?

Going in for tests?

Finally getting pain meds

Not enough, excruciating..

Too many meds, feels like I am underwater

Have to pee.. oh so bad... unintelligible communication with nurses as we try to fix this..

 passing out...

I know I need to communicate, can't function.. the edge of pain taken but now everything is incomprehensible..

What does this mean for my future.. a HEAD NECK AND SPINAL injury?

Words thrown around to explain....Spinal contusion... neck sprain- no fractures- angry muscles- torn ligaments all along neck and spine...

oh God. Help. Me.


The whole part really from EMTs thru hospital is a blur with spurts of memory and lots of pain.

Now I try to heal, and end up crying so much because it's so painful even with max Percocet and Valium and pain meds schedule..

So freaked out for the future... I had a trauma to my SPINE.
Spine = really important...

Can't sleep/move/function without crying from pain.

Please God, help me... I'm so scared.


Edit/Update: I felt like drawing pictures... kind of a poor portrayal of the pain, but it was entertaining to draw... the cheeks are squished up because the neck brace is so intense...eyes are warped bcuz of pain drugs... idk felt i needed a drawing

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

YAYs! :) & NAYS! >:( ... How Do You Feel About Starfishing in Bed?

  • Cold side of your pillow :)
  • A book that pulls you in to it's world and you don't ever want to come out. (Canz I lives in dis book nao plz?)

  • When you know there are more in the series after the one in your hand
  • Even if it's winter to get a little fresh breeze anytime... (but especially lying in bed)
  • Falling asleep in a room with just enough chill to cuddle warmly beneath your blankies (only if you are snuggled up with lots of blankets otherwise it is a definite annoyance to try and fall asleep with chattering teeth)
  • First bite into freshly baked Chocolate Chip cookies or gooey brownies. Unless you are too impatient (and or a chocoholic... Leslie..:-D.) 
    • Annoyance though if you do this immediately after taking them out of oven and you burn the inside of your mouth which causes you to curse the evil jumpy-oven for prob. Scaring you while preheating oven and now burning you. A double win for the oven and a double negative experience for you with said oven. Double negative = a positive! Yay! I win! Which in this case the double negative does not constitute as a positive. No. You just double lose.
  • Puppies! Yes I am a 4 year old girl.... C'mon! PUPPIES! even if you are an elaborately masculine, tough and hard core gangstah biker dude (yes, gagstah biker dudes) when you see an adorable puppy, you cannot resist it's magnetic pull of your hand to it's fluffy fur.

  • When you finish the last page. Last paragraph. Last sentence and word of your favorite series knowing this IS the final book
  • Toilet paper flipped wrong way-- new sheet MUST be hanging down from being rolled over! NEVER under! {Mom!}

  • Bed sharer STARFISHES in bed. Taking up all your space so you get 4 sq. Inches of bed

  • 6-7 seconds after everyone comes down from a high of laughing together when ppl make awkward sighs then someone tries to break the awkward and either you feel like THANK U for breaking awkward OR "stfu you are only saying the first thing that popped into your head to break awkward ice) { unless your name is Matt Rasmussen in which you fully embrace said awkwardness and all chances for anything to be awkward in which you view anytime you create these situations or are a part of them as a WIN! But that's usually only if u are Mr. Rasmussen}
  • Terrible drivers
  • Terrible drivers who think that they are awesome and in the right when clearly they have inferior driving skills than what you possess
  • Driving at same speed as someone for length of time (like you are "married" on the swings) and you really want to look over or really go out of your way to avoid them seeing you

Many more to list, but getting too tired~ mas to come!

Qs for the reader:
What is at the top of your list of Yays & Nays?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Letters to Things Vol. I {Ice Cubes, Farts, Evil Oven}

Dear Ice Cubes,
I am sorry for labeling you "ice cubs" as we now call you. 
 We do not mean any disrespect to you or that you are the kiddie-baby-whiner versions of ice cubes, it is just what we do- rename things, laugh about the new name, then continue to use new name.... You are not the first to experience this.

  This does not give you an excuse to show me such betrayal that when I want the last sip in my drink and you are all cram-packed at the bottom, you come crashing down on my face all at once. 

Traitors....... you make me look like a fool as you ALL rush towards my face and spill the last contents you accompany in your glass, the very last contents I was just moments ago trying to savor.
I hope we can work something out.


Dear Farts of my Fiancé,
Why must you come into this world sound like something that he must refer to as "machine gun farts" and smelling like something that belongs in a dump?
I also need to know why you must always announce yourself so prominently and make your presence known.  It is unbenounced/unbeknownst to me.  Please try to be less-ridiculously outlandish. You are quite intense, and no- not like camping.


Dear Oven, 
When you pop and clang as you warm up, it frightens me and makes me think that whatever I am cooking is STILL ALIVE.  It makes me jump and startles me every.time
Please try to warm up less violently or I will be forced to use the toaster oven.  Perhaps this is your ultimate goal- to be used less.  Sorry I am making you feel so used.


Random Things That Happened To Me Today:

A slue of my experiences so far and trying to express them as a new blogger {yay!} 
Don't Judge... Hard :)

  1. Woke up at 11am after staying up past 3am to continuously read Hyperbole and a Half while the fiancé played THE GAME all night (C.O.D) to groggily call for said fiancé and make sure he was home and didn't have to go out to the airport or anything {The fiancé is a pilot...vrroom!}
  2. Sat up in bed so as to not fall back asleep because it is embarrassing to be waking at such a late hour-- I most definitely did not get the worm.
  3. Loving fiancé stops what I am sure is another game in THE GAME to come up and say good morning, notices I am sitting up and tries to tackle me for hugz (yes hugz, not hugs we often have been talking in Arby & the Chief lingo, see the hugz clip starting @ the 2:30 mark)
    • Dialog goes as follows: 
    • Me:"Do not wish to be taacckkleed"
    • The Fance (we have MANY names..many odd names for each other): "You cannot resist my chhaarrrmm! *tackle/shove/hug* {other funny ways to try and tackle me, but do not want to be tackled for fear of becoming to comfortable and sleepy and we can't have that because it is already embarrassing enough how late I have slept in which makes me feel guilty, and more adamant about not being tackled}
  4. FF >> (Fast Forwarding!) Reading several more of Allie's blog to point where eyes are straining and confused like I am attacking them with too much computer reading and it feels weird to even look away from screen, almost painful. Almost. 
  5. Made a pic of straining eyes but simply satisfied scanning her blog
  6. Realize still haven't eatten breakfast and it is 1:14p with makes me feel even more guilty like I am wasting my Sunday but then I remember this is what Sunday's are for-- to sit around and read blogs and relax and do whatever the heck I want to do regardless of whether or not society thinks I should feel guilty or not. Bah! 
  7. --Still in my Penguin Jammies, debating what to have to eat.  Out of milk- boo no cereal, I <3 cereal, I <3 cereal so much that sometimes we have it for dinner.  
    • Need more milk. Need more cereal. 
    • Hate, HATE grocery shopping. 
    • No milk. No Cereal. No Breakfast options. Meh. 
    • Must force self to get dressed in normal non-penguin clothes and use $$ to by food at dreaded grocery store, which I hate. {We end up throwing it away/eating and....getting rid of it anyway. Hate spending $ on things that don't last like this...
    • also toilet paper. Doesn't last, isn't fun to use or look at or have we just need it. Money waster- ugh, I resent you money wasters}

  • Doggie cord:  Waggleton (same fiancé as mentioned before-one of 1,000,000 names we have) has been obsessed with hilariously voicing the phrase, "C'mere doggeh".

    • To his friends in THE GAME;
    • To any puppies & doggies we see;
    • and apparently to his laptop charger cord as he drags it across the living room floor into the dining room. 
  • Later I decide to blog about my "morning" (early afternoonish-morning time) and for some reason am try not to let him read as I am writing the raw blog.  
    • Feeling neglected, fancleton tries to get attention with christmas hams shake.  I say," You must wait until I'm done before reading plz....... dun judge hard" while coyly trying to hide my typings as he approaches me & computer frequently over the next several minutes.
    • Wags says, "crying face you're just gonna ignore me all day and be like 'I'm bloggin, bloggin all day so why don't you just play THE GAME'"
      •  I feebly attempt a rebuttle with "" When I still am trying to finish point number 3 from this morning when all I wanted was to tell a short story but this is turning into my thoughts being thrown down in text--yay blogs. 
  • Muffleton-burger-ville commences the dumping an entire can of redbull, "New Years more RedBull!!! *commenses dumping out entire 16 oz. can while staring with wide, shocked eyes at what he is doing, realizes and adds...* "Well....... except for JagBombs.... because of THE Wedding"
Realizing how hungry I am, need to find food.  Going back to internal debate of lack of milk & cereal VS how hungry & poor I am. . . 

True Life

                  I'm a poor college grad.

Off to find something to satiate my hunger with, and possibly continue re-reading Burned, before Awakened comes out in 2 days!  {kudos to you if you know what those arreee!}


P.S.- Yes, I changed it to my real name on all my posts {all... haha I say it like I have a lot, I have 2! lol} and in my blog... I <3 the name Gwendolyn buuut, it doesn't reflect the honesty and rawness I am going for...

EDIT: BTW-I stayed in my kid-like penguin pjs the entire day. I rock. Jealous- be it.

Never left to go get milk or cereal, and with my personifying of inanimate objects, this was probably a good thing.

First Post~ Oh Hello 2:25am

**You will see impulsivity, randomness, honesty & alliteration/assonance in my thoughts in these postings...** :)

Dear Readers;

I have been reading and loving countless posts from Allie Brosh ( I have realized that thoughts she has and views as random, I find that I sometimes have similar ideas or thought trains cross my mind but dismiss them just as quickly as they came in.  I realize that she is just a girl, posting her random experiences and she has thus inspired me to be a new blogger. 

 If you enjoy my capricious ramblings and random thoughts as much as I do when I experience them, that's great! Follow me as they pop in my head and I decide what to do with them, or hear any number of my oddly occurring stories. 

 I used to love to journal as a child but found my small hands would soon tire as I would only semi-annually "check in" with my diary/journal to update it on big/weird/random/'ah-ha" moments that had happened to me. 

 It is the wee hours of the morning, and you reader might be confused, or maybe you are coming back to this post after reading several newer posts, but I hope you enjoy the journey {most of the time included with tangents as they usually occur when we decide to hop aboard different trains of thought as they roll into our mind} and please no being "douche-y" in rude comments, because really it's not very nice of you as a person to be said type of commenter.  

Back to what I was basically trying to say in this first & late night post:

  • I am inspired to blog now (Thx Allie! psst..She rocks, Alot [yes this time I mean Alot, not a lot])"
  • Please enjoy and happily comment/follow
  • If you are not enjoying yourself feel free to just click your way to a different site, no need to be nasty {take a tip from thumper: If you can't say anything nice, then don't say nuthin' at all" or something like that, it has been a while since I saw Bambi}
  • I ecstatically enjoy using alliteration/assonance
  • I frequently think in terms of writing letters to inanimate objects, must like my latest facebook status, which I will leave you with until my next post.
  • I randomly "rawr"

Like.. now! Rawr & Goodnight

<3 Ashley

P.S.- facebook status, which I am leaving you with until my next post is a "letter" of my thoughts on a random something, usually an inanimate object:

Dear Wind,

Calm down CALM DOWN! You are too darn intense and cold for all of us humans who need to stay warm. Please continue your extreme breeziness another time or place where you are much needed by sailors or people who need/enjoy wind. Even with my heat cranked past 80, shivers still shoot across my skin. This could be contributed to the failing windows. {They will get a talking to also}.

Thx ♥,